escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have aggressive nipples.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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