So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
