Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Boobs are out for the taking
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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