He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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