Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
