That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
