Define "chronic" masturbator.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
