Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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