If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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