I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
