dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
