You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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