Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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