Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
