he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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