Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
