just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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