I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
