great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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