Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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