If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
