i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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