is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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