Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
