I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
