I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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