I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it penis luge time yet?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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