while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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