And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cannot find my penis.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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