If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
