So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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