I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
