That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
