How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
