I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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