just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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