Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
