i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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