Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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