It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bring me that man meat
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
