New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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