I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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