alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
