we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
