Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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