He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
