On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
