and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
