I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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