you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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